Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Why You Should Let Knitting Ruin Your Life

I first started knitting roughly a year ago, thanks to my mother in law. We were watching a particularly campy episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. The one where plenty of action/punching/sexy things happen, but somehow none of them furthers any kind of plot whatsoever. (Yeah I know I pretty much just described all of them.) Great stuff!

She just looked so content clicking away with those needles, while joyfully mocking this festering pustule of a movie. One year later and knitting has taken over my life. So here are some pros and cons about one of my favorite art forms.

Learning is easy! There are so many wonderful videos on youtube that will have you casting on stitches in no time!

Con: Learning is hard. First there's knitting, but then you have to learn purling, which is basically backwards knitting, and yes you will have to learn it eventually. Knitting patterns read like hieroglyphics. Your first projects will be lumpy and unfortunate. There will be times when you want to tear your hair out. Luckily, the internet is here to save you.

Pro: You'll never look at knitwear the same again! You won't be able to help closely admiring every beautiful hat, sweater or sock that you see! You'll tsk tsk at the price of that chunky infinity scarf, because you know you could make something better.  And OH MY GOD THE YARN! How come you never noticed how amazing and squishy it is? Go ahead. Treat yourself to that hand spun lace weight alpaca yarn you've been eyeballing. You'll be so happy you did!

 Attack of the Craft Etsy shop! - (Shameless self promotion! WOOO!)

Con: This becomes the equivalent of a crack den. Flying Fibers

Pro: Eventually those knitting patterns will start to make sense, and you'll knit all the beautiful things! Your closet will be full of snuggly garments, and suddenly cold weather won't suck as much as it used to, because at least you'll get to show off your skills!

Con: You will get bored halfway through projects, so you'll start new projects. Your unfinished knitting will pile up in every corner of your home, like this:
I call this piece "The Back of the Couch" 

Pro: Knitters are awesome! They come from all walks of life, and they hang out at cute little yarn shops and cafe's and of course, online! They make jokes about their balls (of yarn)!

Con: Non-knitters will be baffled. "Why must you bring that half knitted sock to the restaurant? You do NOT need to knit every time you sit down!" Lies. All lies.

Pro: Knitting increases your chances of meeting adorable wooly creatures! LOOK AT THIS BABY GOAT IN A SWEATER.

Con: You will quit your job and buy a ranch so you can live with alpacas, because OH MY GOD LOOK AT THEIR FLOOFY HEADS! ...Actually come to think of it, there's nothing "con" about this.

Pro: You can sell your knits! People will be in awe of your skills and fork over their hard earned cash to own one of your handmade accessories!

Con: You will spend that money on more yarn. The addiction is REAL.

Pro: Eventually you might even take up a spinning class at your local yarn shop! Yaay! It's so much fun, and you'll be supporting a great local business, like Flying Fibers! Flying Fibers Classes

Con: That spinning class will make you want to make your own yarn, and oh crap you just saw how much spinning wheels cost. You will start second guessing the quality of the yarn you already own. Suddenly it all seems so...sub par.

Pro: You will be so awesome at gift giving. Everyone will love you. Your cat will love you.

Con: If they don't wear them, you will resent them for it. Don't they know how much time it took to make that?? DID THEY JUST THROW IT IN THE WASHING MACHINE? F*&K! Non-knitters will also ask you to make things for them. They will expect these things to be free.

Pro: Angora bunnies will become your favorite animal. They're so cute and fluffy and you can SPIN RIGHT OFF THE BUNNY!

Con: There's no con here. Bunnies are awesome.

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